Just when I think I have made it over “the hump”, I find out I haven’t and don’t really know what “the hump” is. At first I thought it was getting to site and knowing where I would do my Peace Corps Service. Then, I thought it was once school started, then when language got easier, then with more time, then after the holidays. All of those milestones have been significant, but I am still not “acculturated”.
Living has gotten so, so much easier. I can get most of what I need by myself now, what I need has changed, but that is probably part of the process. I have friends in the village and I feel like a part of the school communities and accepted by the villagers. Language is still a challenge, but many people know some English and I know some Thai and we can have brief, superficial conversations that feel okay. I have a few PCV friends who I have come to love and we support each other well and consistently.
So why now is there a feeling of being disconnected? It seems to have come from nowhere and all of a sudden I feel like I am not making a contribution and wonder what my purpose here is. The funny part of that is that I don’t especially want to go home right now either. I miss home and family and friends, but I have come to really love many things here too.
As promised by Peace Corps "Peace Corps service is the hardest job I have every loved."