Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Reflection


After taking an actual vacation in Thailand I gained a bit more of an insight for myself about why these first several months have been so difficult.
It was taking on the role of a tourist that I realized it was a bit of a burden to adjust to one more thing.  I have not found a description of assimilating into a new culture that I can relate to, so maybe it is all just a piece of that, but as Peace Corp Volunteers we are asked to assume many roles.
We join a group of 51 strangers that we will be working with, we are in class for language and culture at an intense level, we become members of our host family, we no longer have cars, we have bikes, someone is telling us how to dress, the food is all different, and we moved several times.  After all of that, we are placed in a small rural village, alone, and start our jobs.
What dawned on me is that in all that change and newness, it was very hard to keep a core identity.  That was the one thing that no one else was asking of us yet it was essential to survival.
I realized on the trip how many ways I have compromised to get through this process.  I’m sure we all did, it would have been impossible to hold onto all the values, norms, ideals and dreams we came with.  Some of the letting go is the value of being a PCV.  I have been forced to expand my thinking, give up knowing what questions to ask, rely on many people, admit defeat (over and over), laugh and let go.  At this point it is also possible for me to re-examine those values, goals, dreams and ideals for just myself and decide what I want to keep and what I am willing to let go of.  For the first time in 10 months, I feel like myself and have a comfortable sense of self that feels grounded in Thailand.

             Thais love pictures and this is one of the many poses they use.  This is at Faith's site, right on the Mekong River.  We watched the fireball festival with her community, a unique, priceless experience.

Friends are such an important element in this journey, May, Faith, me, Emily and Nolan


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