After taking an actual
vacation in Thailand I gained a bit more of an insight for myself about why
these first several months have been so difficult.
It was taking on the
role of a tourist that I realized it was a bit of a burden to adjust to one
more thing. I have not found a
description of assimilating into a new culture that I can relate to, so maybe
it is all just a piece of that, but as Peace Corp Volunteers we are asked to
assume many roles.
We join a group of 51
strangers that we will be working with, we are in class for language and
culture at an intense level, we become members of our host family, we no longer
have cars, we have bikes, someone is telling us how to dress, the food is all
different, and we moved several times.
After all of that, we are placed in a small rural village, alone, and
start our jobs.
What dawned on me is
that in all that change and newness, it was very hard to keep a core
identity. That was the one thing that no
one else was asking of us yet it was essential to survival.
I realized on the trip
how many ways I have compromised to get through this process. I’m sure we all did, it would have been
impossible to hold onto all the values, norms, ideals and dreams we came with. Some of the letting go is the value of being
a PCV. I have been forced to expand my
thinking, give up knowing what questions to ask, rely on many people, admit
defeat (over and over), laugh and let go.
At this point it is also possible for me to re-examine those values,
goals, dreams and ideals for just myself and decide what I want to keep and
what I am willing to let go of. For the
first time in 10 months, I feel like myself and have a comfortable sense of
self that feels grounded in Thailand.
Thais love pictures and this is one of the many poses they use. This is at Faith's site, right on the Mekong River. We watched the fireball festival with her community, a unique, priceless experience.
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