Cultural Differences

Hearing about cultural differences and living with them are vastly different!  We had a speaker last week who came to Thailand 56 years ago.  He ended up marrying a Thai woman and living here.  We learned a lot about Thai culture during training from the Thai staff.  They, of course, are experts.  What Dr. Klausner added was the contrast between Thai and American culture.  He knew why we would be frustrated and what values were in conflict.  He addressed 5 areas we might need to be aware of.

1.  Thais avoid confrontation at all costs.  They don’t show anger or displeasure at all.  The downside of this is that they gossip, write anonymous letters, and kick the dog (while cursing if for being whatever trait they are upset about in a person, i.e. stupid, slow, disrespectful).  They also avoid any kind of criticism.  This avoidance may result in inappropriate giggling, walking away, getting ill and needing to leave.

2.  Thais avoid emotional attachment.  This is rooted in Buddhism where they are advised to avoid craving and attachment.  They don’t value commitment, engagement, involvement and attachment.   Having fun, making fun a part of every activity, is a way to avoid attachment.

3.  The society is both patriarchal and hierarchal.  Thais are not just individuals.  They are part of a hierarchy, which you may or may not be aware of.  Status is related to position in the family, position at work, among others.  The hierarchy is always there and score is kept.  You are expected to return favors.  You are expected to be loyal, non-critical, friendly, non-threatening, engage in small talk, and relationship building.  Relationships with parents are based on respect, not so much on just love. 

The patriarchy shows itself most starkly with sexual harassment and the open display of nude women.  Prior to 1997 there was no Thai word for sexual harassment, thus no concept.

4.  Karma, the result of past thoughts and actions, rules over present thoughts and actions.  Therefore, there is acceptance of one’s position in this life.

5. Gratitude is required.  There is a life long debt to parents.  Men repay by becoming monks (for a brief period of time).  Women repay by sending money, never arguing, obedience, and loyalty. 

The core values for Americans are:

Individualism

constructive criticism

rule of law

equality.

We are told that we are not expected to become Thai, but our status is lowered if we don’t act Thai.  We should be friendly, generous, and empathetic to maintain our status. 

I have acted western many times lately.  I think the Thai value that I am struggling with right now is the constant changing of plans and what seems to me to be lying about it.  People have invited me to join them for some activity, shopping, a party, visiting parents, and then they have cancelled at the last minute.  The woman who was taking me to the bus for Bangkok 3 weeks ago cancelled at the exact time she was supposed to pick me up.  I have gotten angry at these times and been pretty confrontational. None of that will serve me well here, so I suppose part of the experience of living in a different culture is learning how to navigate in it.  

Another thing I have noticed is that when I ask a question that someone does not want to answer, there is flat out avoidance.  They pretend you didn’t ask the question and just move on with the conversation. 

All of the culture clashes evoke emotions that are difficult to deal with when you are so alone and isolated.  It’s no wonder volunteers leave site so often to be with other Americans.  It is essential for sanity!   I will try traveling to Udon tomorrow and to NongKhai next weekend.