Reflection

I read in another Peace Corps Volunteers’ blog a while back that he did not want it to be a travel log.  That resonated with me.  I too wanted the blog to be a journal of sorts about the experience of being a volunteer.  I have also heard from other volunteers that where you serve is not as important as the experience.

So, with no adventures or photos to share this week, I thought I would reflect a little on my 8 months in Thailand. 

I have spent a fair amount of time trying to understand Thai culture and trying to figure out what my role here is and how to fit into this culture.  I have also compared my experience to other volunteers’.  I suppose it is all an effort to feel comfortable and to have some sense of control over the experience.  Neither activity has proved terrible fruitful. 

So here is what I have discovered at this point.  There are people here who are kind, honest and live from deep integrity.  There are people here who are manipulative, afraid and empty.  Family is important to everyone.  People are ambitious and want to create a better life for themselves and their loved ones.

Music makes people happy and dancing is fun.  Sugar is delicious and fattening.

I need sunshine and am grateful to have it most days.  Rice fields are beautiful and rice farming is hard.  The experience of a rural community is wonderful.  I love the pace and living by the sunrise and sunset.  Birds singing and butterflies are a good trade off for busy highways and airplanes.

My job may not be teaching English.  I have begun to form a friendship with a Thai that touches me with its emotional honesty and some pain.  I withhold some of myself from fear of being absorbed into this culture.  I miss America and I am impressed with Thailand. 

I have control over very few things.  I need help constantly and so far it has always been available if I ask.  I sometimes feel I am along for the ride and don’t know the destination and letting that happen is easier than trying to steer the course.  I wonder if the ‘ah ha’ moment comes way after the experience ends.